Self-analysis isn’t easy. It requires an honest criticism about oneself that few are willing to do. It means being honest. Seeing what habits are harmful to us. It also means that we have to let some things go. Things that might also mean people who aren’t helpful to our lives.
Does that make them bad people? Not necessarily, it just means that you are entering a season of change. And like it or not, this change must happen if you are to move onto your next chapter. The harmful habits you have need to go. But so do the environmental factors that aren’t helpful to you becoming, or stepping into, the role you were meant to play.
The toughest part of this is that the people and environment you are leaving behind will be resistant, possibly resentful of what you are about to do. They won’t understand, and possibly won’t even care about why you are doing it. That okay though. Because it isn’t about them. They aren’t the captain of this ship. They aren’t at the helm navigating life’s turbulent waters. You are.
Again, they aren’t necessarily bad people, but the stages of your life and theirs are being charted on a different course. Few people will stay onboard with you and sail this journey. That’s what makes changing so hard. You may end up alone, but you will only be alone for the interim of the voyage. Others will come who are on the same trajectory as you. They may even catch your vision and dream. Some will even work to help you.
But as you make this transition, don’t let fear keep you stuck in the same place. Don’t let it keep you with people who were only temporary. Don’t let it control your destiny. If you do, you will never make a move. It will always be about playing it safe. The stuff, both material and emotional, will become weights that drag you under. You will be so afraid of losing that you won’t have the will to win.
I mentioned habits. Every one of us has a set of habits, both positive and negative. Routines that define and sometimes, chain us. The important thing is determining which is which. Once we have a grasp of this, then we take the bolt cutters and begin removing the bad ones from the good.
The process sucks. It’s unpleasant and often, almost like addiction, we fall back into these habits that we want to be rid of. But it must be done. There is no negotiating if we want to make the right moves. It will take time, it will come with tears and heartache, but do it!
Personally, since releasing my book and working on my next and my Kickstarter and a slew of other things, I’m beginning to see parts of this journey that I hadn’t seen previously. Habits and behaviors linked to depression, anxiety and my own self-esteem. People who, while I care about, that when mixed with the activities we do, only drag me down.
And again, it’s not the people, but when combined with the things we do when we hang out, that is where the problem lies. Video games for me have always been a huge part of my life. It’s almost like an addiction. I’m pretty competitive with them, even on a passive aggressive level. When I don’t do well, I spiral. Yet because I’m so competitive, I want to win. To beat the odds and turn things around, no matter how bleak the goal seems.
But when I fail, especially when I’m with my friends who are much better players than me. Part of me turns on itself. The critical monster that lurks inside us all attacks and I end up spending hours of wasted, unproductive time trying to improve. The feeling that I don’t measure up. The opinions, whether real or imagined, of my peers, cuts deeply. Yet I go back for more. Which then continues a cycle.
Ultimately, this all leads to one road, unproductivity, depression, anxiety, and the feeling of not being good enough. There are many ways I can apply this to other parts of my life. But overall, this one area has been a running issue for very long time.
But what this all comes down is as a broader application. When we recognize we need to make a change. It has to be done. Otherwise, we remain stuck where we don’t belong. We have those places, people and things that require a change. If nothing else for own improvement and development.
The next steps won’t be easy, and we may slip back into these habits, but if you persevere, you will break free. You will find the person you were born to be and meant to be.
Regards,
Matt
